In typical fashion, summer has flown by almost with the essence that it has been far too short for me to have actually done anything. Looking back, though, I have done so much. For being 29, this was somewhat of a “coming of age” summer for me.
First of all: Anxiety medication withdrawals are not fun (at least they weren’t for me). It was a tough go for about two weeks, at its worst, because I cried all of the time. I was sensitive, upset for no reason, and there was no telling what would set me into a crying fit. This is very much NOT like me. Finally, I am over that hump and feeling like myself again.
I had a few weekends that were tougher than others, especially as it pertained to my weight. It is hard when nothing fits and that is how you start every day. I was avoiding seeing friends and going out because all I could think was, “nothing looks good on me and all people see is the weight I have gained” (giving way too much power to negative thinking, but I digress). I am sort of known as the athletic one. I am always running, doing races, eating healthy, what have you, and all I could picture my friends saying was, “wow, looks like she let herself go”, which wasn’t the case at all!
My dear sweet Aunt Janice, seeing my distress, gave me on thing that I would have never given myself: a shopping trip to get clothes that fit. Ignore the size, just feel good in the fact that it fits.
She was totally my Richard Gere that night and I her Julia. We went to a number of stores, and trying on clothes that actually fit and felt good to wear made me feel instantly better. The next day as I put on my first new outfit for work, I felt more like myself than I had in months. I wanted to cry out of joy instead of sadness. It was such a generous and huge gift, not just the clothes, but sense of self and confidence. It is always great to spend time with her, but I will always be thankful for her generosity and kindness.
BUT, now that I have new clothes and have been off of my medication for a month and a half, this past weekend I finally saw my weight start to drop. It is just a bit every day, but is has been consistently going down daily for 5 days now.
It feels good to feel like myself again. Looking back, I wish I had never begun my medication, or wish that I had had a doctor who was more familiar with the medication I was being prescribed. I firmly believe that only psychologists should be prescribing medications in this class, not the GPs always get it wrong, but it is better left in the hands of those who specialize in it. Not all medications in this class affect people as it did me, and they work wonders for many people, but I just don’t think it was the best choice for me.
I have never taken for granted being a happy person; I always have been and I have always been thankful for that. It was so hard having Paul see me cry and be so upset, I just wanted to reassure him that, “this is not me off of medication. This was not me before, this will not be me now”. Thank God he is such a wonderful man. He just held me and assured me that he knew that it was just a phase and my body needed to readjust again.
It is good to know that I am still a happy person, I just needed to work things out to get through some dark days.
I have also learned further how to stand up for myself and protect the life that I lead. No one deserves things that make them unhappy or threatens their well-being. I read a great quote yesterday that said:
“No” is a complete sentence. It requires no explanation or justification.
It is ok to say no and to build boundaries to protect the life that you have built. Sometimes, there is just not a healthy place in your life for some people.
There have been so many things that I have wanted to write about, but just haven’t sat down to get my ideas out. I will get back to my regular randomness, I promise 🙂 For now, I just wanted to update on my “progress”, and who knows? Maybe someone out there is struggling with the same thing and this can help spark a light at the end of the tunnel.
I hope you are all well, readers, and had a wonderful send-off to summer this past weekend!