Family

Cottage Week 2014

I once again must ask your forgiveness for my absence. Life has been busy! We have finally relocated to the Windy City, and I couldn’t be happier. I have been waiting do to an update until I got my new computer (after 8 years), so here we are, finally! But alas, you will have to wait just a bit longer for the Chicago adventure update.

I am spending my annual week at my cottage and have finally gotten around to doing something that has been 16 years on the “to-do” list. I just purchased a gravestone for my mother’s plot up here. She is “buried” (and I mean her ashes) at a plot in the Presque Isle Township Cemetery, but she has never had a gravestone. Each year I go to visit, I sit by a tree that is near to her plot (not remembering which location exactly is hers). Last year I discovered that her tree had been removed. As if I hadn’t felt ridiculous enough talking to a tree, now I get to just sit there and talk to grass; a generalized guess of where I think is the right spot.

Today, I finally walked into the local memorial store (I wanted to call it something fun like the Engraved Granite Boutique) and picked out a stone for her. It was a little daunting trying to pick something like that out, but I went with simple, basic info, and paid the nice man. In 30 days, Mom will finally have a stone and I (and my brother) will have a place to visit.

It is strange, but it feels like another piece of the puzzle to becoming “me” and taking charge of my life. Sort of “if you want something done, you have to do it yourself”. It just all fits back into my theory of it being your life and you can’t be afraid to take the reins and make things happen.

It is a little victory, but big or small, they all count.

If I am not back before, have a happy 4th of July! Sending you all love and well wishes of independence!

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As the Sun Sets on Summer…

In typical fashion, summer has flown by almost with the essence that it has been far too short for me to have actually done anything.  Looking back, though, I have done so much.  For being 29, this was somewhat of a “coming of age” summer for me.

First of all: Anxiety medication withdrawals are not fun (at least they weren’t for me).  It was a tough go for about two weeks, at its worst, because I cried all of the time.  I was sensitive, upset for no reason, and there was no telling what would set me into a crying fit.  This is very much NOT like me.  Finally, I am over that hump and feeling like myself again.

I had a few weekends that were tougher than others, especially as it pertained to my weight.  It is hard when nothing fits and that is how you start every day. I was avoiding seeing friends and going out because all I could think was, “nothing looks good on me and all people see is the weight I have gained” (giving way too much power to negative thinking, but I digress).  I am sort of known as the athletic one.  I am always running, doing races, eating healthy, what have you, and all I could picture my friends saying was, “wow, looks like she let herself go”, which wasn’t the case at all!

My dear sweet Aunt Janice, seeing my distress, gave me on thing that I would have never given myself: a shopping trip to get clothes that fit.  Ignore the size, just feel good in the fact that it fits.

She was totally my Richard Gere that night and I her Julia.  We went to a number of stores, and trying on clothes that actually fit and felt good to wear made me feel instantly better.  The next day as I put on my first new outfit for work, I felt more like myself than I had in months.  I wanted to cry out of joy instead of sadness.  It was such a generous and huge gift, not just the clothes, but sense of self and confidence. It is always great to spend time with her, but I will always be thankful for her generosity and kindness.

BUT, now that I have new clothes and have been off of my medication for a month and a half, this past weekend I finally saw my weight start to drop.  It is just a bit every day, but is has been consistently going down daily for 5 days now.  

It feels good to feel like myself again.  Looking back, I wish I had never begun my medication, or wish that I had had a doctor who was more familiar with the medication I was being prescribed. I firmly believe that only psychologists should be prescribing medications in this class, not the GPs always get it wrong, but it is better left in the hands of those who specialize in it. Not all medications in this class affect people as it did me, and they work wonders for many people, but I just don’t think it was the best choice for me.

I have never taken for granted being a happy person; I always have been and I have always been thankful for that.  It was so hard having Paul see me cry and be so upset, I just wanted to reassure him that, “this is not me off of medication.  This was not me before, this will not be me now”.  Thank God he is such a wonderful man.  He just held me and assured me that he knew that it was just a phase and my body needed to readjust again. 

It is good to know that I am still a happy person, I just needed to work things out to get through some dark days. 

I have also learned further how to stand up for myself and protect the life that I lead.  No one deserves things that make them unhappy or threatens their well-being.  I read a great quote yesterday that said:

“No” is a complete sentence.  It requires no explanation or justification.

It is ok to say no and to build boundaries to protect the life that you have built.  Sometimes, there is just not a healthy place in your life for some people.  

There have been so many things that I have wanted to write about, but just haven’t sat down to get my ideas out. I will get back to my regular randomness, I promise 🙂  For now, I just wanted to update on my “progress”, and who knows? Maybe someone out there is struggling with the same thing and this can help spark a light at the end of the tunnel.

I hope you are all well, readers, and had a wonderful send-off to summer this past weekend!

 

 

 

 

A few lessons I am just now learning:

I saw this posted by my aunt on Facebook, and just reading the bullet points made me love it.

Some of these are hard lessons to learn, and even harder to implement, but in my eyes are imperative for a happy, satisfying life.  I think I am going to print this out and remind myself of it daily.

http://www.marcandangel.com/2013/01/18/10-choices-you-will-regret-in-10-years/

Happy Friday!!!! 

A Few of My Recent Adventures

Some times you are just too busy living life to document it.  A double edged sword for someone like me, but here is a quick recap of what I have been up to:

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Some beer garden action in Ann Arbor for a dear friend/aunt’s birthday. What an amazing night. The weather was beautiful, the food was amazing, and the company was second to none.

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Date night with Paul for Lansing Restaurant Week… the day after restaurant week ended…

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This is his best pose…

We were all excited to go to the Wrought Iron Grill in Owosso for restaurant week, only to realize that restaurant week had ended the night before.  AMAZING food was still consumed, and I would highly recommend this charming spot if you are ever in Owosso, MI.  Although, I am not sure why most people would be.

This dinner alone should have its own post, because it really was like a  bad (or good) Seinfeld episode.  

Let me just start with, our waiter was super cool, after we broke him in, and the food was really really delicious, but the service was terrible!  We opted to sit outside on the patio, but regretted that decision because our waiter was a little too lax.  We didn’t even get greeted or get water for 15 minutes (first world problems, I realize, but this is all going to show a point).  

Our waiter offered us “coke products”, to drink and we had to snag a beer list from him (that never happens… turns out he didn’t think we were 21… thank you?). When Paul asked what was on tap, the waiter said, “it’s all crafty stuff” as if we would not recognize anything they had.  If you know anything about Paul, you probably know that he is obsessed with craft beer.  It is his hobby, his passion.  We asked for the beer list, and got it 10 minutes later.  The first world problems continued when we ordered our beers (a snifter, not a pint, the waiter asked) and it was given to us in bottles…. typing this all sounds so ridiculous, but again, I am just making a point.  Beer like the one we were drinking tastes different in a snifter (all 12% of it), and really needs to breath.  But, 10 minutes later we got our snifters.  This was all happening, mind you, while the waiter was fawning all over his buddies at the next table.

Me, being the nice person I am and not wanting to offend the waiter, told Paul that we should move inside.  We had already been there about 35 minutes and hadn’t even ordered yet (not due to us not knowing what we wanted, I assure you).

When the waiter came back, who really was a very nice guy, I told him that we wanted to move inside because I was getting cold.   He said, “oh, no problem, I can just turn on one of these heaters”, pointing to the massive propane heaters they have on the patio.  I looked to Paul for support, and he just laughed at me and kept on drinking his beer, (he loves to see me in awkward situations).  So the waiter drags this massive heater over to our table, and it won’t start.  The tank is empty.  All I could think was, “God is going to make that thing blow up to punish me”.  With no luck, the waiter picks up ANOTHER heater and drags it over to our table, which still wont light.   This goes on for a good, awkward, 5 minutes or so.  I finally just told him not to worry about it, feel free to spit in my food and thank you so so much.  (Yeah, I totally looked like that high maintenance bitch).

This finally cracked the guy and he decided he liked us.  It was almost like we had to prove ourselves as cool for him to want to serve us.  After that he was great.

And then, toward dessert, Paul decides to have a serious talk… about our aging dog.

I am not a crier, but he just said the words, “so, while things are good and he is healthy, I think we should talk about what the plan should be for when Max dies.”

I immediately bust out into sobs, tears running down my face, and I can’t even form sentences.  The poor waiter came back, who we had just gotten to like us, and looked at us like Paul had hit me or something.  It was a smart move on Paul’s part, really, because I told him what medications to feed me and what to do with Max once that does happen, because I will be incapable of taking control of the situation.

I continued to cry the whole way home… the ENTIRE 40 MINUTE DRIVE…poor Paul looked like he had just set off a bomb on a school bus full of kids or something.  My crying only stopped once we got home and I got to snuggle my puppy (my aging, 10 year-old puppy, who is in perfect health, btw).

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Puppy and me the next day, living the life 🙂

Ok, so that was that adventure…. moving on…

The next day, Paul and I headed to the Tiger’s game with my BFF, Liz, and her husband.  I am not going to lie, I don’t remember much after the ball park margaritas started flowing, but I do know that it was a very fun time, and my sweet sweet man bought me everything that was requested from my drunk mouth (a soft pretzel, nachos…) I mean, why else go to a ball park?

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This weekend, I have a half marathon coming up, a family function (pseudo family, but I have adopted them), and more adventures to follow.

I always aim for my summers to be full of adventures, but this one really has been.  I have spent time with so many great friends, made new friends, and done a lot of cool stuff.  And August is only going to be busier!

I hope everyone is well 🙂 Happy last day of July!