I am the new owner of an iPhone thanks to a water attack I launched on my Blackberry night before last. Yes, I spill even in my sleep…

So anywho, last night, I set the alarm on my new phone, and slide off into my restful slumber.

On Fridays, I need to be into work at 7am, but as I opened my eyes this morning, not to the prompting of an alarm, I just knew that it was right around that time. Sure enough, with a glance at my watch it is 6:56.

“SHIT!”

I throw the covers and pillows off me, no doubt hitting Paul in the face, miss-step getting out of bed, tip into my bed-side table banging it into the wall, and then I manage to stumble over cat and dog into the bathroom to try and get my life together.

Thankfully I was smart last night and piled my clothes in the bathroom so that I could avoid waking up Paul… which I’m sure was a failure after yelling expletives and banging furniture.

I do my best to cover up the gross “Wrath of the Titans” blemish I have going on right in-between my eyes, throw my hair back and race downstairs. Feed cat, grab purse, grab phone, my workout clothes for later, and race out the back door, locking it behind me feeling pretty good about the 6 minute get-ready pace I had just accomplished….then that feeling was shattered with the slam of the locked door when I realized that I failed to grab my keys.

I have uttered exactly 4 words out loud at this point, and none of them are appropriate for primetime television.

We don’t have a hide-a-key, and all doors are solidly locked. Our dog doesn’t bark, and in fact is still sleeping with Paul, so my options are to either break in or somehow get him to wake up.

I call his phone, but we both sleep with our phones on silent, so I know that it is a lost cause. I decide to try and throw stones at our bedroom window closest to him, but there isn’t a lot of room on that side of the house. It is basically a narrow path that separates our house and our neighbor’s driveway, but I hauled off and launched a rock at the window anyway. Making a meager noise, it bounced off and made an even louder noise hitting the windshield of my neighbor’s car.  With a “deer in headlights” glance into all of their windows, I make sure that no one saw or heard before I dart off behind our house.

Plan B: bang loudly on the back door… which was pointless seeing as there is no way he would hear me all the way from the back door, through the kitchen, living room, up the stairs and down the hall way… did I mention that he also sleeps with a fan set to high right next to his head?

Plan C required me to get creative. I needed to throw something non-destructive at the siding on the other side of the house, where the window is in the closet, but a direct shot to his ear, opposite the fan. I remembered that we had a lacrosse ball in the yard, so after scouting it out, I proceeded to hurl it at the siding right next to the window. I couldn’t throw it at the window seeing as it was open, and knowing my luck it would have gone straight through the screen.

4 shots in, while semi-yelling his name in hopes of it being loud enough to reach Paul, but not our neighbors, his face appears in the window.

My favorite part is that he looks at me and just says, “Yeah?”, as if I might be out there for some other reason than needing his assistance. “Oh just down here for some off-hour, romantic gesture… I locked myself out.”

I don’t know why this poor guy stays with me…. every day is like an adventure with the chronically hazardous, and he is always there to fix whatever I have gotten myself into.

He’s a good guy 🙂 And somehow, I was only 20 minutes late to work.

Until my next hazard…